-
The Biology of Change
I’m in the car with my son, his wife and their daughter. They are moving from a place they love to a place they are meant to go. Almost everything is unknown. I am along to help with my granddaughter. Our drive takes us through a town where I spent 27 years. And my kids know I will savor the trip on Route 66 through my childhood. We pull off the highway. I direct them to the neighborhood where I grew up, but I miss the entrance. It looks so different. As we drive the tree-lined hill that leads to my home, time shifts to a summer day in the…
-
The End Signals A Beginning
I put the car in reverse and back out of the driveway. I begin a 14-hour drive to a college we visited once. She has a dream and she’s chasing it. I have a knot in my stomach and peace in my heart. I am at once happy, sad, excited, fearful and nostalgic. I am her mom. She travels to a beginning. I travel to an end. Her beginning leads to new friends, experiences, freedom, memories. My end leads to a house void of her laughter, her backpack on the floor, her school-day run home for lunch, her energy, her clothes pushing out the laundry chute, her friends. Her. When…
-
Holes in the Sky
I listen to my son’s story of feeling his grandma near. He was alone. He was struggling with the language and culture in a foreign country. It was a difficult time for our family. She had been gone for 3 years. It’s not the first time I’ve heard the story. Hearing it still makes me cry. He shared the story at a family gathering last month, our first since her funeral. We’ve been together in small groups, but for various reasons, it’s been 18 years since our last family reunion. After eating one of my mom’s signature desserts, 34 of us sit close. We swap anecdotes, some funny, some poignant,…
-
From Branch to Trunk
I wrap my wet hair in a towel after my morning workout. I hear the door close and Scott’s quick steps. I ask why he is back an hour and a half after leaving for work. I notice watermarks on his tie. Later I know they were caused by teardrops. Scott: “Here she is, Dad.” He hands me the phone and stands close, his arm around me. I hear my dad speak. Me: “What?”He tries again. I hear a solitary wail in the distance. The sound of grief. I sink onto the bench at the foot of the bed, and only then do I discern the wail rose from a place within me. …
-
The Long Goodbye
Looking out the window, I squint from the glare of the airplane wing. The view of the runway gives way to unseasonably green hills then snow-covered mountaintops and fades into billowy white clouds. I feel nostalgic. Even though our entire family will be together next month, I mourn the loss of home base. We spent a quick weekend clearing our house. With the help of our local children and a friend (who has literally seen us through every challenge since we built our house), we deposited the final hard-to-decide-on items at Deseret Industries and storage. Gorgeous views from every room. That’s what I wrote in the home’s description, and it’s…
-
A Dog’s Life
Scott picked up the leash and we walked out the door with Boomer like we had so many times before. Only this time we weren’t heading out to explore the city or to let Boomer stretch his legs. This time we were going to say goodbye. To him. Cancer. We’ve heard that diagnosis before – when medical tests found the cause of our 13-year-old son’s massive headache. This time the diagnosis was for our dog. We named him Boomer, a nod to Oklahoma, the place we raised our kids. The kids had begged and lobbied for another dog after Sundance. We told them to write a proposal detailing how this…
